Tending the Flame: Nurturer's Day

Sermon: May 10, 2026 . Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of San Dieguito

There is a family of owls living in an owl house about 20 feet from my house. The neighbors have a video camera set up inside the owl house so we can watch what’s happening in their busy home. We watched while the barn owl parents moved into the house, built a nest, laid eggs, and reared four babies. Every night for weeks I have heard baby owls screeching all night long as the parents bring them food and feed them one at a time. Very recently, this past week, the baby owls have ventured out of the house to stretch their wings. Two nights ago, I watched the mother fly away from the owl house and onto a nearby roof. The babies watched her fly away and cried and cried, until the first one decided to join her. He flew well, smoothly, and made it all the way to the nearby rooftop. Having experienced this success, the mother owl then flew a little further away to a second rooftop and the first baby followed her again. Now the mother and child were at too far a distance for the other babies to feel safe crossing, so they remained at the owl house, crying, and screeching. They’re not quite ready to fly.

It’s appropriate that I was able to watch this mother in action just a few days ago while preparing for today’s service, for today is Mother’s Day, the day in which the most flowers are purchased in the US the entire year. This little fact shows us just how much our society values those who nurture. Without parents, teachers, mentors, and caregivers, none of us would be where we are today.

This day can be filled with joy and gratitude, it can be bittersweet for some, and it can hold grief for others. As a parent myself, I have mixed emotions on this day. Part of me enjoys being celebrated and connecting with my children, and part of me enjoys thanking my own mother for her care of me. However, I remember when my children were young and they would make me breakfast on Mother’s Day. They would use practically every utensil in the kitchen, every bowl, and more plates than made sense. I loved the effort put into caring for me, but of course, what was lost on my children was how much extra work their creation created for me as I was the one who had to clean up. However, their intent was pure and the love they showed was palpable.

My children are almost grown now, and yet my job as a nurturer hasn’t lessened, it’s just changed. Instead of worrying about teething and potty training, I worry about them driving, navigating relationships, and finding career paths. When my first born was about a year old, his pediatrician said something that has stuck with me for the past 20 years. She said, “remember that your job is to help your child become independent of you.” It seemed an unusual thing for a pediatrician to tell a mother who was still nursing her baby, but it resonated so deeply, that I have thought of that often during my years as a parent and as a teacher, and even thought of it as I watched the mother barn owl encourage her fledglings to fly just the other night. One of the most fulfilling things I have ever experienced as a teacher were the moments I recognized that my students don’t need me anymore. We’ll see if I feel the same when it’s time for my children to fly away.

I’ve also begun caring for my parents. I was lucky enough to care for my father during the last months of his life, and I plan to care for my mother as she ages. Many of us have falsely believed that we would reach a point in our lives where we won’t have to take care of anyone else anymore, but humans often require support regardless of age. Most of us will perpetually fill the role of the nurturer again and again throughout our lives. We might care for children, for parents, for spouses, for friends, for animals, for plants… and caring for oneself is a job that is often overlooked, but might be the most important nurturing role during one’s lifetime. 

It’s an interesting position to be in, that of one who tends a flame. It can be overwhelming and exhausting, and we can find ourselves wishing we didn’t have to do such an important job. But then, when you see the other succeed, when you watch the flickering flame you spent time and energy protecting from the wind, turn into a fire with a momentum of its own, you realize that you have fulfilled a not just a very important role, but a necessary one, one which relies on give-and-take, on balance, and one that connects you to humanity, to the animal kingdom, and to this universe.

On this day, Mother’s Day, as well as on Father’s Day, we stop our busy lives to honor the person who has nurtured us. Today, for the next few moments, I’d like for you to honor yourself, as one who has tended a flame too precious to let die out. Today is a day to honor your role in the development of someone who needed to be nurtured. 

Here we have several pots of soil. In a few moments, I’m going to ask you to rise out of your seat, as you are able, and come down to the front row by row. Your first stop will be at the microphone where you are invited to say the name of a person you have nurtured. If you have multiple children and feel it would be unfair to only mention one, you may say multiple names, or you don’t have to say a name at all, you could say something like “my fish” or “my basil plant” or simply “a friend.” After you have spoken the name, proceed to this bowl where you will take a seed and choose a pot to place your seed in. You’re welcome to really dig it down in the dirt if you want to get your hands messy, or you can simply drop it on top of the soil. After all of the seeds have been placed, they will be covered with more dirt and watered... soon, the plants that grow will be moved to our garden here to continue their growth. If you are unable to leave your seat, an usher will bring you a seed and a pot to place your seed in. They will also have a microphone so that you may speak the name of the person you nurtured aloud into the space. When everyone is finished, we will close the service together.

*****

For the nurturers who have young children and find themselves in the trenches every day

For the nurturer who teaches students and mentors developing minds

For the nurturer who grieves the loss of a child

For the nurturer who cares for animals

For the nurturer who tends to gardens

For the nurturer who cares for their parents

For the nurturer who cares for their spouse or partner

For the nurturer who cares for friends the way others care for family

For those who nurture themselves

For all who give life and encourage others to grow…

We bless these seeds with the same love that fueled our caring,

We honor our role as the tender of a flame,

And as we hold all the names spoken aloud during today’s service, we recognize how connected we are in this interdependent web of existence.

As Dr. Seuss said, "To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be ther world."

The love you share lifts others. 

The flames you tend help warm this world.

May this day remind you of the difference you have made

And may it forever lift your soul with honor and gratitude. 

Amen.

OTHER READINGS FOR REFLECTION:

Marvin J. Ashton

"Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart, one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them."

The Hands That Held the Seed

by Mr. Anks

From broken earth and quiet stone,

She rose — no crown, no throne.

Yet in her palms, the world was warm,

A fragile stem, a future born.

She held it close, though winds had howled,

Though roots had trembled, soil had scowled.

With every crack that lined her skin,

A softer strength grew deep within.

She did not ask for songs or praise,

She bloomed in shadows, gave in grace.

The seed she touched with gentle might

Turned toward the sun, reclaimed the light.

This is for the ones who stayed

When storms had tried to make us fade —

The friend, the mother, silent guide,

The hand that caught the tears we hide.

For every soul whose love came through

Like morning rain, like sky-stitched blue —

You are the reason hearts still mend,

You are the roots, the soil, the end.

You are the first breath we forget

Until we fall and rise again,

Remembering how healing starts

In unseen arms and open hearts.

So here’s to you — who held the seed,

Not asking why, not counting need.

Your kindness made the world anew,

A newborn’s peace, because of you.

from Hello, My Name Is…

By Naftali King

When we introduce ourselves to another person, we usually extend our hand and summarize ourselves with one word, usually our name. “Hello, my name is Naftali…” These are the kinds of face-to-face greetings that initiate relationships, that open our hearts and act as a bridge of connection from one person to the next.

But there’s another kind of one-word naming that goes on in our larger society that burns bridges, locks down relationships, and keeps us from living our promises to each other. We know these words. These are words denying inherent dignity. These are the words that undermine and attack inherent worth, for these words have one powerful hurtful message: You are not worthy. You are not human. You are not enough.

Throughout my life I’ve had plenty of those words, those labels ascribed to me. So many that although I may stretch out my hand and say, “Hello, my name is Naftali…” what I feel I’m saying at times is “Hello, I’m Worthless…” or “Hello, I’m Wrong…” I am part of a religious community because we promise not to reduce each other to terrible labels, not to strip each other of our humanity, not to ascribe levels of worthiness to one another.

Most of us need to celebrate life, to feel our inherent worth, to be restored our dignity, to practice justice, equity and compassion in human relationships. Most of us yearn to say, “Hello, I am Somebody…” and to be greeted “Hello, Somebody, welcome! We’re glad you’re here!” Most of us hunger for affirmation and celebration in who we are and in the gifts and blessings we bring this world. Our work of building bridges of connection by finding and naming and affirming those blessings we are is the work of nurturing our spirits and healing our world.